I cannot believe how fortunate I've been to find this site. I wish I could have gotten back to this thread sooner, but my internet has been down for days due to a cold snap here in Philly. I appreciate the responses SO much. Knowing that I'm not alone or unique in this affliction is unbelievably relieving (as sort of twisted as that may be given the generally terrifying nature of the affliction).
I feel like the rational part of my brain understands and to some extent believes that these
PVC's are in fact benign. I believe my cardiologist. I believe the many ER doctors and nurses. I believe the science, the diagnosis, and the prognosis. The problem is that while "I" may believe these things, my sympathetic nervous system simply doesn't, and the crazy in me pushes all of the above right out the window.
When I first got out of the army, I suffered pretty severe panic attacks. No PTSD or anything, but I frequently felt that I was having a heart attack (complete with convincing symptoms). I had them at bars, on dates, in theaters, driving, sleeping - they were totally insane. I stopped doing SO much because I was always afraid of not being close enough to medical attention. Jeff, you mentioned watching for AED stickers, pre-dialing 911, and sneaking a feel of your pulse. When I read that, I smiled because those EXACT behaviors - warranted or not - I act every day.
One day years ago, I was in a theater opening night of Batman Begins with my now wife, the lights went down, and immediately (as I had had one in a theater before) a panic attack came on strong. I decided in that theater that if I was going to die right there, so be it because I simply couldn't live - or not live as was the case - in such fear for one more moment. The panic attack rose to the point where I swore I would go unconscious any second and then subsided. I didn't have another until this past October. They were simply gone.
I PRAY for the day when I can meet these
PVC's with the same resolve, as I know how much better things will be. Casper664, I think you're totally right about the counselor. I think that I'm not dealing well at all with stress associated with the last four months, and that the mental and physical "body count" is becoming far too high.
I really appreciate everyone replying to my post - I can't impart the ease your words afford... I'm just really glad to have stumbled onto this site.