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I write all that, the crazy stuff I did, because I know, after talking to so many others, that we've all done the same thing.
And it's funny that we all reach this "do or die" point - where we tell our heart, life or God that "if you're gonna take me, effing get it over with."
And then you live. And somehow the turning and facing of that fear, at least for the short term, sort of reboots your head and your body and things get better.
First thing: know that this won't go away in a single day. It just won't. It might be a longer haul than you would like it to be. But day by day, you'll take steps. You'll have slips and relapses. But it'll get better.
In the meantime, maybe you get your electrolyte levels in your blood tested. Maybe you start living a little healthier. Maybe you employ some crutches (like the pre-dialed cell phone), but use those crutches to get out and live. Even if just for an hour a day. Walk around a mall. Walk around the neighborhood. Go have lunch with a friend. Something.
Ok?
Let us know how things go, and certainly ask if you have any questions.
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