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Hi Colleen - Great to have you here. My sister's a PA - attended Midwestern in Chicago. And like you (and me) she has many of the same issues. I guess the apples don't fall far from the familial tree in my family.
I know what you mean about not feeling yourself and it holding you back. The anxiety can be really gripping. At times when I was mentally at my weakest points, if I were to go for a walk or something I would take along my cell phone and pre-dial 911, and hold the phone in my pocket, finger on the "talk" button. Just in case. Looking back on it I must've seemed silly to my wife, but I was doing the best I could to cope at that point.
One thing my sister recommended to me, something she used for awhile herself with some success, was an SSRI. Now I know you're on a beta blocker, so that may not be the best option, but when my sister was doing her residency, and having to deal with a different doctor every day, that doctor's quirks and demands, she was a stress monkey. No sleep, on edge every day at work. Then she started on a SSRI and things started looking up, and she started having fewer irregularities in her rhythm. I absolutely hated the idea of taking anything like that, but now that I've been on one for a few months, I'm wondering why I was so worked up about it. I feel good, more relaxed and my head seems clearer. Less clouded with anxieties and stress.
But I also think that for me it should be a short term solution until I get into a habit of managing my stress better. (Even so, taking that little pill is so easy....)
So that's one idea - Rx.
I would imagine that if you're spending time in an ER that you have to have a pretty high stress level, too. Couple that with crazy shifts and you're probably ripe for the skipped beats. Do you have any hobbies or activities you like to engage your brain in outside of work?
(Again welcome, and much success in your studies.)
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