[CMoore416]

So today I missed a call for work and when I went into the school office they said there had been a teacher emergency and that teacher would need to be out 2-4 weeks. So they asked if I could cover her class. Of course I have been AVOIDING work because of my daily PVCs and struggles and this morning I am palping away like crazy, feeling slightly lightheaded from anxiety and wondering if I can do this job or not. They put me in for Tuesday- Friday so I wouldn't feel overly committed (luckily the secretary knows my issues and is sympathetic) and i told her I had cardiologist appt Monday. She said she would continue putting in the nextbweeksonce I knew I could handle it. What a shame I even have even have to question of I can handle it! I'm incredibly nervous about everything. But this has the potential to bring in $1000-$2000 for me and I feel stupid I am debating and struggling at all with it. Of course the job itself will be a challenge for me sinc its been over 10 years since I've worked long term in one classroom. It's 2nd grade though so how tough could it be? Lol

Wish my good day yesterday would have continued into today. One day wasn't enough for me mentally! I have been palping away for over an hour and I feel very jittery and stressed/anxious inside. I have sinuses in my ears making me lightheaded.

I have death with this so many days that you think by now I would realize its not going to harm me.

[DaniRae]

First of all, congrats on the job! Hey, we all can use extra $$

Secondly, I think this is just what you need. You can spend too much time at home thinking about these things. Getting your life back is a big step to accepting these things. I never thought I could go back to work but my Psychologist told me that we surprise ourselves with just how far we can go. It's baby steps but you find yourself jumping in.

Take it step by step. We are right here with you. Been there and done that!

[Cheers]

You know I hear ya. But I will say, my therapist said the other day that she thinks my being home all day has a lot to do with it. She thinks if I had more distraction...be it a job (outside of the home), volunteer work, a hobby, etc...I would be much less in-tuned with my heart and therefore have less anxieties.

Soon I will start working on a campaign for State Senator race and I am hoping that will help...but of course...my mind says, "will I be able to handle it and really commit? What if my heart goes crazy again??!!"

[jkfrench]

Agree! The more time you have to focus on other things, the less you will hyper focus on your heart. You will be forced to focus on the kids. That is the best thing that can happen to you and I am very proud of you for agreeing to do this as I know it was very hard! It will get better every day! Have fun. 2nd graders are a blast!

[dr461]

What they all said above. Agree strongly. PVCs are in direct proportion to how much you are aware of them, and think of them. More thinking= more PVCs.

[CMoore416]

Ok so the teacher I'm covering for was stabbed multiple times by a psycho while out for a run. I plan on reminding myself next week of what she must be going through every time I think about my issues. It must be horrible to be dealing with that!

[jkfrench]

OMG that is horrible. I always worry about someone following me when I'm running in the dark. I can't wait until daylight savings time. You are right....again just put things in perspective even though it is hard at times. You aren't far from me. I hope they caught that psycho!

[CMoore416]

Yes they caught him. It was in the afternoon in broad daylight. I feel so awful for her. She was seriously injured but expected to recover.

[jkfrench]

That is just horrible. I am glad she will be okay but just imagine how terrified she was.

[dld]

That is awful for her. I am a teacher also and have had many days of teaching with non-stop skips. It's not fun, but I do agree that getting out is better than staying home and dwelling on it.