[jphilly76]

Hello all,

Let me first say that this site is amazing! The obvious and genuine concern that this group has for one another is inspirational, and a welcomed environment for someone like me. To Jeff, I have to say that you are hands-down the man. Just from reading through the forums and articles on this site, I can't help but feel a little better already. I have recently (as of early October 2009) begun experiencing consistent PVC's and they are literally scaring me into seclusion.

I was recently let go from a job that while I didn't love it, I was relatively invested in. I had been running a non-profit that builds boats with urban youth to build social and academic skill sets in an alternative learning environment. At the time (September 2009), I was the sole employee as there was very little financial resource to go around. To make a long story short, a good friend of mine from a similar field was looking for a job, I recommended that the board of directors hire him as executive director, within weeks we had strong disagreements regarding the use of our limited funds, he convinced the board to fire me, they did.

Shortly thereafter, I began experiencing intense and constant PVC's for the first time in my life. I'm 28, was a heavy smoker/drinker, a little overweight (6'3"/250lbs.), and my eating habits have been less than stellar. I went to a reputable cardiologist (my wife is a nurse in a good hospital) and had an ECG and 24-hour holter study. The study came back with 2,200 PVC's. My cardio gave me a very low dose of Lopressor which I never took (I'm sort of afraid of medicine). Shortly after the test, my PVC's just went away completely. It was like that until Christmas eve, when they kicked up again full steam. At that time, I had an echo and nuclear stress-test performed.

The echo revealed a "slightly enlarged" right heart, the nuk was normal, and the stress test (though I had a few during the excersise) was "good". Right after that test (about three weeks ago), my PVC's disappeared for exactly one week, and have returned to date with some episodes of bigeminy and trigeminy.

I am desperate to deal with this in some sort of productive way. I feel terrified - literally TERRIFIED - most of the time. The cardio, my primary, and my wife insist that though this is new and feels "uncomfortable", I am perfectly safe. The thing is, I literally feel like I might die any second! I've spent SO much money on ER copays in the last few months it's crazy. Everytime I go, the story is the same, "Yep. You have PVC's. There's nothing to be done. You're fine."

I am writing this (and sorry so long) because the anxiety is uncontrolable. I am crippled and feel like there is no hope of enjoying my life. This intense fear of death keeps me from sleeping, from working on my business, from seeing friends, from simply living my life!

I've dramatically reduced my smoking (1/2 pack per day), cut out all caffeine and alcohol, reassure my self as much as possible, but just can't get through this. I used to love my life, but it's slipping through my fingers as this condition is consuming me. The worst part is that everyone just keeps telling me I'm fine, but the palps won't stop and all I can think about is VT and what if I'm alone when it happens - or asleep - or driving - or...

In anycase, I just wanted to introduce my self, and put my pathetic situation out there so that you with more experience may have some words of wisdom. I really appreciate this site, I appreciate the open-ness in the forums, and I hope to be able to add to it in some way.

Thank You for reading...
Justin

[poohbear2026]

Hi Justin,

You have found the right place. It has really helped me a lot too. I too am afraid of dropping dead from these things. They have caught runs of NSVT on my monitors. I have a lot of PVCs and PACs too. I know its hard to trust the drs but I too am trying to learn to trust that I will be okay. I have been to several different cardiologist and to a University hospital because of this. I hope this site brings you some help. I know they have helped me especially Jeff and Jodie.

Anita

[jkfrench]

Hey jphilly
The best part about this site is that when I (or anyone else) says that we can relate...it is the truth.
It is horrible trying to deal with these things when they start acting up. Yes, to being afraid of sleeping or going somewhere by yourself, or working out. It is horrible to live with these. When I'm having a good period (just a few a day) then I am the first to tell you that you will be fine. But when I start getting them every few beats, then I'm just a mess. I don't like taking pills either but it sounds like you really need to trust your doctor and try the medicine. I personally take 1/2 of a 25mg of atenolol and it really does help. Atenolol is very safe and if you start with a very low dose you can determine what works for you. Really, it is time to try something. Worst case scenerio is that you don't like how you feel or it doesn't seem to work and you stop taking it. My doctor gave me xanax but I haven't tried it yet. (same as you, I really worry about taking pills). I think we all worry that it will just make the PVC's worse. Anyway, that is my 2 cents. You have people here that live with these every day so we can give you the reassurance but trying some medicine might help too. Your wife being a nurse would make it about as safe for you to try it out as it could get!
Hang in there...don't worry...you are fine. Stress and anxiety just keep them hanging around.... this I know for sure.
Jodie

[dld]

HI,

I'm sorry to hear that you are one of us dealing with PVC's. This site does wonders to calm your nerves. PVC'S are a roller coaster ride and some days are good, some not good. But, you will get through this. You may have to go to the doctor a few times before you believe it, but you are ok. I think it's safe to say that we all still can get terrified when they start to act up. I know there were many times I was sure I wasn't going to make it through the night. Then they pass and and slowly you begin to think, maybe I am ok. It will take some time but you will get there. I have a prescription for Ativan that I have only taken a handful of times, but I feel secure in knowing that I have it if I need it. Maybe you should try the meds just to see if it helps you. Good luck, D.

[jsuter69]

Hey Justin!
I'm also guilty of not living my life...it sucks, we ALL know this...I'm working 12 hr shifts in a hospital...on a cardiac floor! And I still get anxious and paranoid whenever I have a "flare up"...the more active I am, the more I seem to get PVC's AND PAC's...I really want to get more active but am afraid...but I really rely on this site for comfort...the feeling of doom...yep...I can relate...I get scared to fall asleep, even worse, I fall asleep having them...I especially hate the pausing...loooong pauses, that don't feel normal!
Stick w/ Jeff and Jodie...because no matter how far away everyone is from eachother...this site feels like a family...because they really do care
Hang in there!
Julie

[Casper664]

Justin,

Hi!!! My name is Mary and I'm so happy you've found this site! It is a miracle worker. First off, your story is NOT pathetic...its the norm on here...lol....sad but true. we have ALL been in your shoes...me, well I am STILL in your shoes every now and again And Jodie is right, when we say we know what your talking about/feeling/dealing with...we TRULY know.

One thing I am learning to deal with is believing the doctors. Much like you, many of us here have gotten second, third, or ever fourth opinions. I myself, have gone to 3 different cardiologists CONVINCED the first 2 were idiots and didn't realize that I am having something crazy going on with my body. I was convinced that they saw me as a young patient, thus, I MUST be fine (im 26). But once the third said the same as the first two, and was very understanding to my concerns, I realized I have to stop the MADNESS!! lol. I refused to become that person who wastes precious time and money on seeing a million different people hoping they'd find something more serious. simply stated, there is nothing more serious wrong with me. I have to believe that or I will go NUTS!! I've had all the procedures you've had, and also refuse medication. I feel like I should mentally be able to conquer these (Im a psych major) and not let the anxiety get the best of me. but guess what...even with my background on even couseling, psychological disorders, exp. anxiety and panic disorders, I am lost in it all lol.

I had suffered from full blown panic attacks, thinking I was going to die any second. I was scared of driving in case I would drop dead, scared of going to the gym...being in restaurants even (bc I felt like if something happened everyone would be watching me and I'd feel so stupid--hahah so silly to think about that in a time of an emergency if it were going to happen lol). I let this 100% take over my life. this caused me to stop doing every thing I loved, and really effected my relationship with my bf bc we stopped having fun, and im pretty sure he wanted to scream every time I mentioned thinking i was doomed to die at 25/26...because it became a daily conversation. im happy to say things are going better with him and i...but thats bc about 2 months ago, I HAD to put a stop to my thoughts and fears comsuming me...it was affecting all the things I loved..including my bf!

how did I start working towards this is probably what your wondering right now...well..first step: 1) made an appointment to see a couselor. yep..I was a bit disappointed that I couldnt find a way to help myself, but enough is enough..time to talk to someone. I discussed my medical problems..told her i wasnt convinced the doctors were 100% right...that they missed something, etc. BUT IVE HAD ALL THE TESTS CONFIRMING THAT I WAS FINE!! then I started to realize that perhaps now I need to find a way to contol my anxiety. And as I worked my way thru each session, and learned some techniques to deal with my contant thoughts of death etc, I realized that my anxiety was lessening...and as that happened, I noticed my PVCs and PACs lessen in number.

it may be helpful to seek a couselor...its a great 'mental dump' as my friend described it as....allows you to lay out all your concerns, worries, etc...sound as silly as we probably sound...to a stranger I like doing that as opposed to making everyone around me crazy lol...

this is my way of dealing with PVCs and PACs without meds...thru couseling and so far its gotten so much better im still not where I want to be, but with more time I know I will get there. with you, these just started in Oct...its only been 4 months for you. I've been dealing with these since Feb 09...almost 12 months..and I am just now feeling a lot better. I have good AND bad days though...these things come in waves. You are so new to these that its normal to have your concerns and worries. You will get better in time...I PROMISE. If I can..you can. Seriously, I was a fricking lunatic for the first 9 months lol...I can laugh at myself now, but man....I thought I was going to drop dead every two seconds.

though like I said, even now I have bad waves. I am acutally having a bad wave now (lasted almost a month now)...noticed it a lot more with exercising again...but instead of freaking out every day, I just said you know what, ill make an appt with my cardio. and just tt him. I know that all my questions wont be answered sufficiently on why they got worse all of a sudden, and I wont just believe everyone who says 'your fine' so I just made an appt. my 35 copay for the visit will be worth it to tt him. He's an electrophysiologist (electrophysiologist or something) and they specialize in arrythmias!! so im excited to get more advice and just know that its normal for these to be good..then bad..then good, etc.

this works for me. I am debating maybe each year going for peace of mind. you have to do what will keep you sane...BUT you can't go overboard...I think in your situation you would benefit in a couselor....you've already had all the tests...your fine!! I know you dont wanna hear that..but i didn't either..no one here did im sure. but there comes a point that you have to accept the tests (even duplicate tests in my case lol) are all right...and now its a mental things getting past the anxiety.

wowza..this was a long post lol..sorry for ranting!! please let us know if you have questions or wanna talk...we are all hear for you!

[Jeff]

It looks like lots of good people already gave you some great advice.

(and yeah, I keep telling my wife I'm the man, but she keeps not believing me! I'll point her to your post. )

I know it can be crippling. I know all too well the methods and lengths you can go to in order to check your pulse while nobody's watching. How you can make bargains in your head that if in the next 100 beats you only have X PVCs, then you'll stop worrying because you're fine. How you can be terrified to even leave the house for a walk - I would sometimes have my cell phone on, pre-dialed to 911, thumb on "Talk", all stuffed into my pocket, just in case.

Looking at the doors at store entrances, seeing if there was an AED sticker there. I mean all of it. I've. Been. There.

And the absolute hardest part about all of it, at least for me, is the part that needed the most fixing was the part I had the least control over: my head.

To your specific situation - you got completely screwed by a friend and lost your job in the process. That's got to add untold amounts of stress to your life, especially in this economy.

The great news? I can do 2,200 PVCs in a day standing on my head. And so can you. For some people the journey to get out of this is long, for others it's shorter. I was one of the longer ones (ten years?). Drove me crazy. I mean there were days where I literally thought I was losing my mind. And that's on top of thinking I was going to be dead soon.

No way to live.

Here's the thing - if your cardiologist, someone who sees reams and reams of ECGs every day and 10-30 patients a day, says you're in good shape? Nothing to worry about? At some point, you need to start believing in that counsel.

Sometimes that takes a huge leap of faith. Like going out for a walk, being afraid you're going to die, but doing it anyway. And then the same thing always happens. You survive the walk.

And you survive the next day. And the next walk. And after awhile, you get this PVC issue squared away in your head. And they go away. But they never go away forever. They'll come back some other day, right after you're certain you have 'em licked. Just know that day is coming, that you'll survive that, too, and the next day will be a new day.

It can be hard as hell. But it can be done.

Good luck to you, Justin.

Jeff

[jphilly76]

I cannot believe how fortunate I've been to find this site. I wish I could have gotten back to this thread sooner, but my internet has been down for days due to a cold snap here in Philly. I appreciate the responses SO much. Knowing that I'm not alone or unique in this affliction is unbelievably relieving (as sort of twisted as that may be given the generally terrifying nature of the affliction).

I feel like the rational part of my brain understands and to some extent believes that these PVC's are in fact benign. I believe my cardiologist. I believe the many ER doctors and nurses. I believe the science, the diagnosis, and the prognosis. The problem is that while "I" may believe these things, my sympathetic nervous system simply doesn't, and the crazy in me pushes all of the above right out the window.

When I first got out of the army, I suffered pretty severe panic attacks. No PTSD or anything, but I frequently felt that I was having a heart attack (complete with convincing symptoms). I had them at bars, on dates, in theaters, driving, sleeping - they were totally insane. I stopped doing SO much because I was always afraid of not being close enough to medical attention. Jeff, you mentioned watching for AED stickers, pre-dialing 911, and sneaking a feel of your pulse. When I read that, I smiled because those EXACT behaviors - warranted or not - I act every day.

One day years ago, I was in a theater opening night of Batman Begins with my now wife, the lights went down, and immediately (as I had had one in a theater before) a panic attack came on strong. I decided in that theater that if I was going to die right there, so be it because I simply couldn't live - or not live as was the case - in such fear for one more moment. The panic attack rose to the point where I swore I would go unconscious any second and then subsided. I didn't have another until this past October. They were simply gone.

I PRAY for the day when I can meet these PVC's with the same resolve, as I know how much better things will be. Casper664, I think you're totally right about the counselor. I think that I'm not dealing well at all with stress associated with the last four months, and that the mental and physical "body count" is becoming far too high.

I really appreciate everyone replying to my post - I can't impart the ease your words afford... I'm just really glad to have stumbled onto this site.

[Jeff]

I write all that, the crazy stuff I did, because I know, after talking to so many others, that we've all done the same thing.

And it's funny that we all reach this "do or die" point - where we tell our heart, life or God that "if you're gonna take me, effing get it over with."

And then you live. And somehow the turning and facing of that fear, at least for the short term, sort of reboots your head and your body and things get better.

First thing: know that this won't go away in a single day. It just won't. It might be a longer haul than you would like it to be. But day by day, you'll take steps. You'll have slips and relapses. But it'll get better.

In the meantime, maybe you get your electrolyte levels in your blood tested. Maybe you start living a little healthier. Maybe you employ some crutches (like the pre-dialed cell phone), but use those crutches to get out and live. Even if just for an hour a day. Walk around a mall. Walk around the neighborhood. Go have lunch with a friend. Something.

Ok?

Let us know how things go, and certainly ask if you have any questions.

[gillespiefive]

You ARE NOT pathetic! You poor guy. I know how you feel. I feel your pain 100 %! I'm 34 and have been dealing with these for almost four years now, which I realize is nothing compared to some. I know the feeling of thinking your going to drop dead. Their are times my anxiety gets so bad with these that I won't leave the house for fear it will happen in public and horrible things will happen. There have been times that I was so frightened that I would tell my husband That I needed to go run errands, and I'd really drive to the nearest ER and wait in the parking lot until I could calm down and be ready to run in if they got worse. I also am very afraid to be secluded outdoors. Like out camping with the family, because what happens if I need an ambulance and I'm not close to the hospital....I could go on and on! I know it's hard, but you really have to try to trust what your DR. says. Especially if you've had a whole shlew of tests done and they tell you that you're okay. Easier said than done, I know. I have to remind myself of this constantly! I really believe that stress and anxiety can be big triggers for most people, so try, try, try, to relax a little bit and slow your breathing down when you start to feel severe anxiety. This site is awesome! I just found it around 2 weeks ago, so I am new too. These people on here have been so helpful and supportive! I'm very thankful for this site!