[Susie]

Some folks ask me why do I worry when all my tests are good, well, here is the main reason.

When ever the doctor talks to me about the results, he always just says, "well, at this time, no reason to worry" he never says that because my heart is healthy, etc, it does not matter how many I have. So, to me, he is hiding the fact that my heart is NOT good, and I should always be on the look-out, that is the way he comes across at least.

So, every time I feel a skip, thump, or flutter, I wonder if it is too many and if it is OK to not worry.

Do you sort of see where I am coming from?

[Katie]

The reason he says that is because doctors have tip toe around everything so they aren't sued for malpractice. At this time everything you've showed on holters etc isn't anything to worry about. That's what he's saying. He isn't beating around the bush saying ur ok now but not later. No one knows the future so no one can 100% be positive and claim you will be fine. But as of right now and with the results of ur scan ur fine. If anything drastically changes you'll have to call and mention it - same goes for the rest of us. but you've just been given the clean bill of health! Stop dissecting every piece of information you've been given because someone qualified already has . Hugs and love your way.

[Cheers]

About how old is your doc?

[Susie]

The one in Yakima that ordered the tests is probably in his 40's.

The one in Seattle whom wrote me that not too nice letter that I shared here is probably close to my age, I am 54, I would say she is near 50 to 52.

Neither one are cardiologists, they say I do not need one, plus, I have no insurance, and can not afford one anyway.

Why do you ask?

[Cheers]

Of the drs I have seen (cardios tho) the oldest ones are actually more reassuring. Not sure why. They seem less worried about saying the right things. I like that. Like this new guy...he sure said everything he thoug without hesitation.


I didnt see the letter. Did you post it?

[Susie]

I think I did, it is probably in one of my journals. I will look.

My doctors, even though they are the ages they are, still seem young to me, but, on certain issues not heart related, they do not mind at all giving their opinions.

[Cheers]

Yea my new doc is like 68 I think. But then again italy just be a personality thing.

[Susie]

OK, Cheers, here is one of them:

Hi Susan,


I have received 6 e-mails from you in the last 2 weeks (since Dec 22nd) if there were more than that I did not receive them. Stay off the thyroid for now. Keep trying the supplements on the list that I gave you.


I am going to be blunt about what I think is going on for you.


I think that you are obsessed with your health and that it feeds your anxiety.


At this point it is difficult for me to tell what is actually a physiological reaction that would occur even in a most relaxed Susan and what is a physiological reaction that has at it's core an anxious person who is obsessed by her heart and something being wrong with it. This makes it very difficult to judge whether or not a medication works for you since your anxiety can make you worse no matter what anyone gives you.


Your solution is always another test. I believe that this makes you feel like you are getting to the bottom of your health issues, or calming your anxiety or satisfying your intellect. In actuality you are continuously feeding your obsession.


I believe that your solution should be accepting the life God has offered you and learning to become of service to others in whatever capacity you can to open up new neural pathways that do not include the time and space to become obsessed by your own health. This is your true path to healing, not being obsessed with the idea that you have a heart problem and endlessly pursuing it.

Here is the other one:
Hi Susan,


Please know that my e-mail came from a place of 80% love and wanting to see you beat this and 20% frustration as a clinician and I do not think that you are being sassy. I also know that the shoulder pain etc is real but that it is also exacerbated by the anxiety.


But let me run this by you. Many people have the condition that you have (runs, skipped heart beats etc) but they do not have the response that you have. So when you have a heart blip I want you to be afraid of how your brain is working not your heart.


Rather than getting another heart test you should look into getting treated by Dr. Amen. http://www.amenclinics.com/ He has a clinic in Bellevue though I believe that he lives in California. You can also see him talk at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tI1UEPrYkE


His clinics scan the brain. It will cost you money so save up. But if you are going to continue to seek testing at least seek to test and treat the organ that will make a difference in your life. Many of the supplements that I have suggested are things that his clinic will use but perhaps imaging will allow a more targeted treatment.

I do not like this man however, I have gone to his site and I do not trust him, once you start, you keep going back and wow, the fee is out of this world. I think the first visit is over 3 thousand dollars, and then there are the tests and scans. No way.

[Jeff]

But Susie, at some point you have to reach your own conclusions, right? Look at this growing library of tests that all say you're fine and start believing the results?

What possible motive could a doctor have to withhold bad health news from you? The doctor could get sued. S/he could lose his/her license. The doctor would be foregoing all kinds of revenue by telling you how bad your heart really is and scheduling all kinds of procedures and test after test to milk you dry of any money you had left.

Your doctors aren't doing that. Now maybe they aren't as good with the bedside manner, but docs with good bedside manner are few and far between. So you advocate for yourself, which you've done, you ask questions, which you've done, and you evaluate the answers, which largely you've done. The last part? The thing you haven't done? Let go of all that fear and live.

I know with this post you're hoping for people to understand and thereby in some way condone the extreme fear and worry you live with every day, right? Get others to understand why your fears are reasonable?

But I think that's a mistake. The fears aren't reasonable. So much of what we deal with on this site is the unreasonable. The irrational. The catatonia-causing fear that is largely based on almost nothing. Susie, even now I have more skips in a day than you did for those entire two weeks of your monitoring. And I have two great kids and a wife - all kinds of reasons to not take risks like running a business (or two), go running, lift weights, run heavy machinery, all that stuff.

Some day, Susie, you will reach the end of your life. You will draw your last breath, close your eyes and expire. Picture yourself in that moment. Will you regret all these years you spent not living, worrying that some day you might die, when of course silly, you are? And if you knew your time on earth was limited (and it is), wouldn't you want to make the most of the time you did have? Be courageous and press ahead, even if you felt a little funny? A little skip here or there?

[Jeff]

Originally Posted by Cheers

Of the drs I have seen (cardios tho) the oldest ones are actually more reassuring. Not sure why. They seem less worried about saying the right things. I like that. Like this new guy...he sure said everything he thoug without hesitation.

Exactly, right?