[Katie]

Agreed Jeff. It would suck for your last days to be spent on the computer researching palpitations while friends, family and the world are waiting for you to come out and enjoy the time.

[CMoore416]

I think tests and Dr visits (for someone with health anxieties) become doses of reassurance that last awhile. It becomes an addiction - if I start to feel scared, I go in, be told I'm fine, and feel good for awhile, then go back again when I don't and so on... If you read the Hypochondria boards on anxietyzone.com - its sad to see the tests ppl put themselves through for nothing! Yikes. But I'm one to run to dr for reassurance. It's a sad cycle....

I too have spend too many years afraid of dying - only to be not believing anyways!

[dr461]

Yeah it is unfortunate that we get sucked into the downward spiral of needing tests and reassurance all the time. I used to be more like that, but have learned to fight it off, and believe what my doctors tell me. I take the worst case scenario, and work my way backwards into the real case at hand, and go about living. You will get there, Christina. it takes time and work.

This is also why I get so uptight when some newbie or someone who doesn't know how we operate here posts an alarmist post, that has no basis in fact. It ends up scaring too many people, and I will fight against scaring my friends and fellow skippers, as we don't need that. Jeff said I tend to be protective, and I agree with him--I don't like to see this great board get bogged down with people with crazy theories. Just know that we are all here for you to support and love ya, Christina. We've been in your shoes, and know the story, so we will do everything to help.

[Susie]

I guess that is true for me. I am getting "addicted" to assurance, and when I feel scared, that is the first thing I want, but, well, who doesn't, when you think about it?

[Jeff]

Originally Posted by CMoore416

I too have spend too many years afraid of dying - only to be not believing anyways!

I wish I could say that I've always been the happy, positive, together person you see before you now. But Jodie assured me recently that I was not.

Stress coupled with fear can do such terrible things to one's body... I was having gastrointestinal issues a few years ago, lost my appetite, was losing weight, stomach hurt most of the time, and ended up having a gastroesophageal duodenoscopy. Doctor checked out my insides from my throat down to, well, places far inside my body that nobody should really ever see. And I was clean as a whistle.

But I got an IV of versed that day. My first IV ever. And oh my god was it wonderful. When I came out of the procedure I couldn't stand well enough to walk, so a nurse was walking me to a rocking chair where I'd wait for my family, and I happily wrapped my arm around her to steady myself, and while that versed wore off, I swear it'd been the happiest I'd been in a long, long time. All of a sudden I was hungry. Starved. After two weeks of juice and saltines, I feasted on McDonalds that afternoon. And then I came to wonder why a little happy drug coursing through my veins would seemingly cure all the other problems I had, at least for those few hours.

I'm one of you. I've walked those same miles. Miles that are walked largely alone. But as I've said a bunch of times before, I made it through, and I'm no rocket surgeon or brain mechanic. I'm just a guy. If I can get through all this? You can, too. To a point where the doctors say (like mine when I saw him a week or so ago) - "Wow. I haven't seen you in a long time. I see you let your hair grow. You look good!"

For my part, here, with this site, I don't want to deny that there are sites out there with information that's scary. There are. What I want to do is take a good hard look at whatever information they're presenting and look at it objectively to decide if it's slanted or skewed, designed to make a splash, or if it's accurate information that people should heed. So I don't mind if someone posts some scary thing they found somewhere - as some of you know, I'll go through it with a fine toothed comb and can debunk or at least frame correctly the information that's being presented.

And so, in time, I hope that when people find those sites, those studies, more digging leads them here, where they can read about what that study or that statement really means to them and not just assume the worst.

[Susie]

I do not think I knew you way back then. But it sounds like you have come a long way, that is awesome.

I am truly working on it, it is hard for me at times, but, I guess in time, I will make it.