Just need to talk.
Well, I thought I would post some in my journal. I know I am a whiner and probably most of you folks get tired of reading what I write, but, I only write because I am so scared and need reassurance like everyone else.
The last two days have been Hell, excuse the expression, but, they have. My email program had a complete crash, and I have been working on that to get it back to normal. I have been having weird skips, and I swear these kind were not felt when I wore the monitor, so, silly as it seems, I still feel nothing was resolved, I can't help it, that is how I feel, so be it.
I also have been having long bouts of tachy cardia. Two days ago, one started after I got over heated, I could actually feel my heart in my neck and back, scared the shit out of me. It never did really slow down, went as high as 116, then, after I went to bed and checked it, it was finally around 76. This morning, I was VERY nervous about taking my blood pressure, so, the heart rate got faster and faster, by the time I checked it, it was in the 100's again. My blood pressure at least was in the 104's/70's. The night before, I could not get the diastolic pressure under 90. I do not know what is going on. Tonight, I am better, but very nervous. It seems like when I am overheated the fast heart rate gets worse.
Oh, another thing that I feel was very instrumental in causing the tachycardia was this supplement my naturopath told me to take called L Taurine. She said it would help with the anxiety and skips, and for the first two weeks, it did, I was very calm and skip free, of course, I happened to be wearing that monitor during that time as well. Well, I increased the dosage per her request, to two a day, that was when I noticed the insomnia and faster heart rate and it has been getting worse ever since. I have stopped it, and actually, tonight, my heart rate is almost normal. I will never touch that crap again, noooo way.
I have read that lack of sleep can cause the fast heart and also "skips" well, I have not slept well in weeks, maybe 4 or 5 hours and that is it. I have so much on my mind. I also do not drink enough water and again, was told that can cause the trouble too. I am afraid though, when I do drink water, it causes what I call "Bubble skips" in my throat and they petrify me. But, I will start hydrating more.
I will be honest. I have a lot on my "plate" Once again, I am going to try to start school on April 2. I have written them, and my former instructor is excited to have me back, plus, I get a huge grant that covers all books and everything. I will be taking the Administrative Management Assistant program, this leads to an AA degree. My classes for the first quarter will be: Business Math, this will be on line. Intro to Microsoft Office 2010 and 10 key calculations procedures. I only have to be on campus 1 or 2 days a week, which is great as I still have to help my dad who is worse by the day, another big stressor for me. I love the school though. I am going to try to not let my fear of the "skips" talk me out of going. Don't you agree?
My other stress is this. I met this lovely Christian fellow last year, well, he is now in New Zealand, we have skyped almost every night and can see each other with our web cams. We have even talked marriage, which would mean me moving over there, but, I would not do that until my obligation with my dear dad was over. He is an engineer/surveyor over there, he owns the business. Well, I think he is trying to brush me off, oh, he has not said anything to that effect, it is just his tone of voice and emails. I have been so happy and have loved his compliments and how he uplifts me. What upsets me is, tonight, when I said I was sick due to lack of sleep, he said he was too, but did not want to hurt me, well, he should have told me, I mean, I am no mind reader, it was his idea to talk to long every night. It is almost like he is turning the tables on me making it look like it is my fault. I don't know I just have a gut feeling he is going to break off our relationship and it really hurts already just thinking about it. Maybe it is all in my head, but, I have had these premonitions before and they have been right. I love him more than I have ever loved the platonic friend, and I feel badly about that as my platonic friend has been so helpful to me in all ways, but, that chemistry is not there, however, he may turn out to be more stable in the long run. He does not use the flowery words or send lots of email cards like this one does, but, he has stood by me during all of my trials, I just wish I loved him. Geesh.
So, as anyone reading this can see, I am under tons of stress, and that is certainly not helping my situations any.
I just wish I had some big hugs and that folks here did not think I was a flake. I could tell by one of Jeff's posts that that is what he thinks about me, if I am wrong, I am soooo sorry, but, I am just feeling so down right now and everything seems wrong.
God bless everyone who reads this.
Susie
The last two days have been Hell, excuse the expression, but, they have. My email program had a complete crash, and I have been working on that to get it back to normal. I have been having weird skips, and I swear these kind were not felt when I wore the monitor, so, silly as it seems, I still feel nothing was resolved, I can't help it, that is how I feel, so be it.
I also have been having long bouts of tachy cardia. Two days ago, one started after I got over heated, I could actually feel my heart in my neck and back, scared the shit out of me. It never did really slow down, went as high as 116, then, after I went to bed and checked it, it was finally around 76. This morning, I was VERY nervous about taking my blood pressure, so, the heart rate got faster and faster, by the time I checked it, it was in the 100's again. My blood pressure at least was in the 104's/70's. The night before, I could not get the diastolic pressure under 90. I do not know what is going on. Tonight, I am better, but very nervous. It seems like when I am overheated the fast heart rate gets worse.
Oh, another thing that I feel was very instrumental in causing the tachycardia was this supplement my naturopath told me to take called L Taurine. She said it would help with the anxiety and skips, and for the first two weeks, it did, I was very calm and skip free, of course, I happened to be wearing that monitor during that time as well. Well, I increased the dosage per her request, to two a day, that was when I noticed the insomnia and faster heart rate and it has been getting worse ever since. I have stopped it, and actually, tonight, my heart rate is almost normal. I will never touch that crap again, noooo way.
I have read that lack of sleep can cause the fast heart and also "skips" well, I have not slept well in weeks, maybe 4 or 5 hours and that is it. I have so much on my mind. I also do not drink enough water and again, was told that can cause the trouble too. I am afraid though, when I do drink water, it causes what I call "Bubble skips" in my throat and they petrify me. But, I will start hydrating more.
I will be honest. I have a lot on my "plate" Once again, I am going to try to start school on April 2. I have written them, and my former instructor is excited to have me back, plus, I get a huge grant that covers all books and everything. I will be taking the Administrative Management Assistant program, this leads to an AA degree. My classes for the first quarter will be: Business Math, this will be on line. Intro to Microsoft Office 2010 and 10 key calculations procedures. I only have to be on campus 1 or 2 days a week, which is great as I still have to help my dad who is worse by the day, another big stressor for me. I love the school though. I am going to try to not let my fear of the "skips" talk me out of going. Don't you agree?
My other stress is this. I met this lovely Christian fellow last year, well, he is now in New Zealand, we have skyped almost every night and can see each other with our web cams. We have even talked marriage, which would mean me moving over there, but, I would not do that until my obligation with my dear dad was over. He is an engineer/surveyor over there, he owns the business. Well, I think he is trying to brush me off, oh, he has not said anything to that effect, it is just his tone of voice and emails. I have been so happy and have loved his compliments and how he uplifts me. What upsets me is, tonight, when I said I was sick due to lack of sleep, he said he was too, but did not want to hurt me, well, he should have told me, I mean, I am no mind reader, it was his idea to talk to long every night. It is almost like he is turning the tables on me making it look like it is my fault. I don't know I just have a gut feeling he is going to break off our relationship and it really hurts already just thinking about it. Maybe it is all in my head, but, I have had these premonitions before and they have been right. I love him more than I have ever loved the platonic friend, and I feel badly about that as my platonic friend has been so helpful to me in all ways, but, that chemistry is not there, however, he may turn out to be more stable in the long run. He does not use the flowery words or send lots of email cards like this one does, but, he has stood by me during all of my trials, I just wish I loved him. Geesh.
So, as anyone reading this can see, I am under tons of stress, and that is certainly not helping my situations any.
I just wish I had some big hugs and that folks here did not think I was a flake. I could tell by one of Jeff's posts that that is what he thinks about me, if I am wrong, I am soooo sorry, but, I am just feeling so down right now and everything seems wrong.
God bless everyone who reads this.
Susie
Total Comments 26
Comments
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Hi Susie
Don't know you yet.
just wanted to tell you I will keeping you in my thoughts today and praying for you....sending you a big through the interwebs -X- god bless,
SilentPosted 02-10-2012 at 10:42 AM by silent
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"Big hug"Posted 02-10-2012 at 10:43 AM by silent
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Susie - What I desperately want is to grab you by the shoulders and shake this fear out of you!
You have been so afraid for so long - and I've walked a mile in your shoes, without a doubt, but Susie, it's time to throw those damn shoes away! Get some new ones! Dancing shoes! With 4" heels!
I think it's wonderful that you have someone close to share things with, and I'm in no place to be offering love advice, but before you commit to marrying this guy, I'd hope you'd spend some time with him. Real time, face to face. I've actually met people that met other people online, one went so far as to divorce her husband to be with this other guy, then he flew in from England to spend time with her and it turned out they were a terrible fit.
Anyway. I get sad for you, Susie, and frustrated when it looks like you aren't willing or able to go out engage in physical activity to help yourself. I worry that you'll throw away whatever time you have left on this earth just sitting on your couch, worrying about dying.
If there were a Courageous Susie inside you somewhere, what would she look like? By that I mean how would she react to the things you encounter each day? Would she act differently than Everyday Susie does?
Do you think you could pretend to be Courageous Susie? Maybe just for one day? During regular business hours? Try her costume on for size? See if it suits you?Posted 02-10-2012 at 11:04 AM by Jeff 
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Thank you "silent" for your thoughts and prayers.
Jeff. I really am trying, and I will make it. But, there are other folks here just as scared as I, correct me if I am wrong, but, aren't their fears the same as me?
Yes, there is a courages Susie, and she wants to get out badly and will. She is going to work on it daily.
This guy has talked about flying over here to meet me, maybe this summer, but now, I am not so sure, looks like his emtional troubles are getting in his way.
Oh well so be it.
Thanks Jeff for trying to straighten me out. It will happen. I know it.Posted 02-10-2012 at 11:33 AM by Susie
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Yes - completely true on the others here. But I've known you the longest of those that have really life-altering fears, and to me, admittedly an outsider, it seems like you aren't in that different a place than when I first met you. And I'm a guy. So I like fixing things.
Can you try today? For half an hour? Go out and be Courageous You?Posted 02-10-2012 at 11:52 AM by Jeff
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And I don't need you to answer me about what Courageous Susie looks like and acts like - but maybe answer that for yourself?Posted 02-10-2012 at 11:53 AM by Jeff
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Sorry you are feeling bad. I have to agree that sometimes supplements can make things worse. You have to tread with caution there.
I'm sure the more anxious you are the worse you feel. I really hope you feel better soon. Have you ever tried yoga or meditation? I'm going to try itPosted 02-10-2012 at 02:43 PM by CMoore416
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Hi Christine, no, have not tried meditation or yoga, but, I have tried the books by Dr Claire Weekes, they did help for awhile, but now, I really do not know why they do not help. I honestly do want to get better and I fight the fear daily. I DO try. Sometimes I have good days, others, well, they stink.Posted 02-10-2012 at 02:47 PM by Susie
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Yes I hear you 100%!! It's really really tough and some ppl are stronger at coping than others. I used to think I was an incredibly strong woman - now not so much! Hang in there!! I'm rooting for youPosted 02-10-2012 at 04:18 PM by CMoore416
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Hi Susie,
I have had monitors that have caught a few things and of course the week after I hand them in, I get all these new weird skips. Do I get nervous-yes, do I freak out-of course. Is everything ok, yes it is. When I get really freaked out, I push myself to exercise hard. I figure if anything is wrong with me, it will happen when I am pushing myself. Then nothing really bad happens and I feel reassured. The plus side-exercise helps with the anxiety. The more I exercise the better I feel. Please just go try it. Try a faster walk. Try it every day for a week. There are many dvd's that are walking programs for in your house. You can get them from the library. Leslie Sansone has some good ones. I bet realizing that you are still alive some of your anxiety will be lessened.Posted 02-10-2012 at 04:19 PM by dld
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Hi DLD, I have some of Lesilie Sansone's DVD's I used to do them all the time, then, when these skips started in more, I got scared and stopped, I really did enjoy them though, I will have to start again, they are really great since outside it is so cold, snowy and icy.
Christine, I used to think I was strong too, but these darn "skips" have reduced me to tears and I feel so helpless at times. I have sometimes resolved to not be afraid and to face them, but, let one or two hit, bingo, I am a wimpering puppy and scared again, I hate this. I am rooting for you too.Posted 02-10-2012 at 04:26 PM by Susie
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Hi Susie Q- your just having a bad week, you were doing so good earlier and just need to pick up were u left off. I'm sorry about ur boyfriend, I'd listen to ur gut instinct because I think it's a God instinct! I'm so sad the supplement isn't working now. Have u tried natural calm? I just took it last night it's just magnesium but a higher dose. Are u still out walking? You should try yoga I love it and it's relaxing. The first couple times I felt skips but I kept on and find it super relaxing. I like yoga on edge by sara Ivanhoe the night routine is so relaxing! Well your at square one again but I really think it'd because your back in the house again being a caretaker for your dad. I know that's got to be so stressful- may God reward you for it. When u were gone that week you were so happy and carefree and now it's hard again for you. But I have faith you'll get through it. Start walking again everyday and I think the yoga will be an extra stress buster that will make u feel better. Did you read Toms posts? I think you and I have some vagus nerve issues and plus our hernias are making it worse. We should both try to follow his advice. If you want to get together on the boards here and start a workout routine we can hold eachother accountable for I'd love to do that with you. Big hugs and an even bigger smooch on ur cheek! KatiePosted 02-10-2012 at 05:15 PM by Katie
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You are probably right Katie. When I was in Yakima, I was not worried about dad as much, plus, I had things to do there and was happy. Now, that I am home and things are normal, I have time to think and worry, and, seeing my poor dad go down hill is so hard on me.
I agree with all Tom has written, I think a lot of my skips are due to the vagus nerve, and my hiatal hernia.
I have not Natural Calm, but am using a magnesium product called "Magnesium Glycinate" it works pretty well. I will have to read about the Natural calm and see if it is something my doctor would recommend as well. That L Taurine was a disaster, at first, I really thought I had found something, but, it turned on me, that is the trouble with so much of what I take, it works for a while, then stops, grrrrrrr.
Big hugs back to you
SusiePosted 02-10-2012 at 06:08 PM by Susie
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Well, I got an email from my boy-friend, this will teach me to jump to conclusions, here is an exerpt from it. I am not used to this, the boyfriends I have had in the past, have always acted like they loved me, but then, dumped me, it sure has hurt, I am very leary anymore:
Quote:Please do just relax in my love. Never worry about things, but ask and let me put you at ease. I think I know really well how you '..tick..' and will always calm your concerns. My Love for you is only second best to our Lords Love. and even then if he makes the littlest slip up (LOL.... Jesus understands) I would be in the lead again. And he will step aside and I will be the one to kiss you at the alter.
My love for you calms any of your storms,
My love for you will hold you as you cry,
My love for you will take any load from you and wrestle it into nothing, then boot it away.
My love for you makes me braver than any knight ever known ....... or ever shall be ....
Love you
HEAPS
AND HEAPS
AND HEAPS
STEVEPosted 02-10-2012 at 06:11 PM by Susie
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Hi Susie,
I so understand where you are coming from and don't ever hesitate to post on this forum. Noone thinks you are a whimp. Setbacks are very common with this condition.
I try to tell myself that if I really weren't okay, I wouldn't have good days. You know what I mean? If I can have several days or weeks where I feel great and healthy then it turns on a dime because of new skips or whatever that most of this is mental. And it is tough! Perhaps you should try some of the books DR suggested. I'm going to. I really believe that so much of this is our hormones. Loosing estrogen can excite the heart cells and the more I read about this...well, bla bla bla....it doesn't really matter because it is all about accepting the fact that is is how our heart wants to behave and it won't hurt us.
Good luck with your boyfriend and thanks for all your support on this forum. JodiePosted 02-10-2012 at 09:21 PM by jkfrench
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Would love to hear the theory behind why every time I left something I get PVCs - and they last for 1-?? Hours???Posted 02-10-2012 at 11:28 PM by CMoore416
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Thanks Jodie. I do agree, if I were truly sick with major heart disease, I would not have so many good days. I just get scared of them, especially when I get no reassurance from my doctors, they have completely shut me off and do not answer me. They are scarier when you have not had them for awhile too, and the feelings are different from the ones you had when you wore the monitor.
I should try adding some bio-identical estrogen cream, maybe that would help some.
Thanks for all of your help too, Jodie, you are very valued here. :-)
Christine, maybe it is because when you bend down, it moves your hiatal hernia up and it irritates the vagus nerve, and it takes a while for it to settle down again.Posted 02-10-2012 at 11:37 PM by Susie
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Susie- don't worry I think I get less skips than u and had a meltdown with everyone reassuring me! Your no whimp after all it is ur heart and head fighting here! We need all the love and support we can get here.Posted 02-11-2012 at 12:04 AM by Katie
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I think it can be very reasurring that we all seem to have good days when we wear the holter, but when it is off we have all kinds of flutters that aren't caught. It must be (and my doctor as said this) the fact that PVCs, PACs and SVT can have all kinds of variations in the way they feel. If every time we wear the holter we are told we have benign arrythmias then it is safe to say that new feelings are just associated with the benign arrythmias. Nothing to worry about!Posted 02-11-2012 at 12:27 AM by jkfrench
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Hi Katie~On my two week monitor, I had a total of 23, but, I am not sure I caught them all. On the 24 holter, where it catches them, I had 32, all PAC's. Reassurance is what I need. I know Jeff is trying to get me out of my fears, but dog gone it, I am trying, I really am, I am doing the best I can at this time. It is just, when I feel even one little "blip" my nerves take over and I have no control over the fears, I hate it, I truly do.
Jodie, you are right, I think, for me at least, I felt secure wearing the monitor, therefore, I was not nerveous and felt at peace. But, when it came off, I felt scared as I knew I did not feel any of the "weird" ones I originally went for in the first place, I think if I had caught those, I would not be as scared still as I am.
All my beats were PAC's and one or two "atrial runs" only lasting a few seconds. You are fortunate to have a doctor talk to you like that, mine won't say anything, so, I just sit and worry when I feel different ones.
Love ya both and God bless.
SusiePosted 02-11-2012 at 03:12 AM by Susie
